Materials Science of Novelty Objects

From Dildopedia, the free encyclopedia

🛈 This article is a parody. It contains no factual information and exists purely for comedic purposes.

The materials science of novelty objects is a fictional interdisciplinary field concerned with the composition, durability, and dishwasher-survivability of objects that exist primarily to make people laugh in this article. It draws on chemistry, engineering, and a great deal of making things up.

Contents
  1. (Top)
  2. Polymers
  3. Thermal properties
  4. Failure modes
  5. Sustainability
  6. References
  7. See also

Polymers

Silicone dominates the field owing to its flexibility, longevity, and the way it makes everything sound vaguely medical. Manufacturers describe their silicone as “platinum-cured,” a phrase chosen specifically to stop you from asking follow-up questions.

Thermal properties

Specimens are generally not rated for temperatures encountered in dishwashers, ovens, or any situation involving the phrase “I wonder if…”. The field strongly, fictionally advises against experimentation.

Failure modes

Documented (invented) failure modes include battery swelling, seam separation, and the catastrophic and permanent loss of the proprietary charging cable. The last of these is considered an unsolved problem in the discipline.

Sustainability

Researchers continue to explore recyclable and biodegradable alternatives, in a study that began the moment this sentence was written and ended immediately afterward.

See also

References

  1. Journal of Imaginary Materials (2021), Vol. 0, Issue 0, pp. ∞. Peer-reviewed by no one.
  2. ‘It felt sturdy.’ Field note, unverifiable.
Categories:
  • Fictional science
  • Materials
  • Parody articles

This page was last edited on 3 June 2026. Text is available under a made-up license; all content is satire.